1 00:00:07,821 --> 00:00:10,141 [Frank] Now, nobody's saying the Chatsworth Estate 2 00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:13,461 is the Garden of Eden, you know, but it's been a good home to us, 3 00:00:13,541 --> 00:00:15,701 to me, Frank Gallagher, 4 00:00:15,781 --> 00:00:18,581 and me kids, who I'm proud of, 5 00:00:18,661 --> 00:00:22,061 'cause every single one of 'em reminds me a little of me. 6 00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:23,140 [all gasp] 7 00:00:23,581 --> 00:00:25,421 You know, they can all think for themselves, 8 00:00:25,501 --> 00:00:27,780 -which they've me to thank for. -[boy] Run for it! 9 00:00:28,381 --> 00:00:30,660 Fiona, who's a big help, massive help. 10 00:00:31,381 --> 00:00:33,021 Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, 11 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,621 which is why nobody calls him Phillip anymore. 12 00:00:36,021 --> 00:00:38,461 Ian, a lot like his mam, which is handy for the others, 13 00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:40,381 'cause she's disappeared into thin air. 14 00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:43,141 -[barks] -Carl, daren't let him grow his hair. 15 00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:45,061 One, it stands on end, makes him look like Toyah. 16 00:00:45,141 --> 00:00:46,461 Two, nits love him. 17 00:00:47,061 --> 00:00:49,501 Debbie, total angel. 18 00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:53,620 You've to check your change, but she'd go miles out of her way to do you a favour. 19 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:57,741 Plus Liam! Little rock 'n' roller! Gonna be a star. 20 00:00:57,821 --> 00:01:00,501 -Once we've got the fits under control. -[screams] 21 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,461 Steve, posh lad, different planet. 22 00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:06,301 The truth is out there... Not! 23 00:01:06,861 --> 00:01:09,500 Kev and Veronica. Fantastic neighbours. 24 00:01:09,581 --> 00:01:12,261 You know, lend you anything. Well, not anything. 25 00:01:12,341 --> 00:01:15,861 But all of them, to a man, know first and foremost, 26 00:01:15,941 --> 00:01:18,861 one of the most vital necessities in this life is, 27 00:01:18,941 --> 00:01:21,661 they know how to throw a party! 28 00:01:21,741 --> 00:01:23,541 -[siren wailing] -Scatter! 29 00:01:38,821 --> 00:01:40,821 [Lip] Honour thy father and thy mother. 30 00:01:41,381 --> 00:01:43,101 But we only knew where one of them was. 31 00:01:43,901 --> 00:01:46,140 Dad were making a good impression around at Sheila's. 32 00:01:46,220 --> 00:01:49,381 He had more time for his extended family than he ever did for us. 33 00:01:50,181 --> 00:01:51,700 For the first time in years, 34 00:01:51,780 --> 00:01:55,101 I was actually starting to like him again. [chuckles] 35 00:02:01,140 --> 00:02:03,541 Even Karen seemed happier in his company, 36 00:02:03,621 --> 00:02:05,500 which made things tons easier for me. 37 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:07,541 She were a great girl, Karen. 38 00:02:07,621 --> 00:02:09,940 Best sex I'd ever had, which always counts. 39 00:02:10,461 --> 00:02:12,301 Difference with this one was, 40 00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:14,301 I'd never actually been in love before. 41 00:02:23,421 --> 00:02:25,621 Right, it's been a week, so take your time. 42 00:02:26,221 --> 00:02:27,781 -Dash, gear, pedal, yeah? -Yep. 43 00:02:28,861 --> 00:02:30,701 -Got enough leg room? -Kind of. 44 00:02:37,581 --> 00:02:38,421 That's fine now. 45 00:02:39,501 --> 00:02:40,380 [Frank exhales] 46 00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:44,901 Failing to prepare is preparing to fail, yeah? 47 00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,861 -These all right? -[groans] 48 00:02:48,141 --> 00:02:50,621 What are you trying to do to me? -[door opens] 49 00:02:51,141 --> 00:02:52,221 [chuckles] Oh, yes! 50 00:02:52,301 --> 00:02:53,501 -There is a God! -[door closes] 51 00:02:53,581 --> 00:02:56,221 -Are you just gonna take the piss? -No, you look great behind the wheel. 52 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,861 Did he tell you he got done for drink driving? 53 00:02:57,941 --> 00:02:59,380 [Frank] Tell your smart arsed boyfriend 54 00:02:59,461 --> 00:03:01,820 it was four pints of lager, fifteen bloody years ago. 55 00:03:01,901 --> 00:03:04,621 Find the bite. Totally against all that now. 56 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,221 Okay, remember last week? 57 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,100 [Frank] Mirror. 58 00:03:10,461 --> 00:03:11,781 [Karen] Mirror, signal, 59 00:03:11,861 --> 00:03:13,021 -Manoeuvre. -[Karen] Manoeuvre. 60 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,100 Go, go, go! 61 00:03:14,181 --> 00:03:16,221 [groans] For Christ's sake! 62 00:03:16,581 --> 00:03:18,380 -Lip! -[Lip] What did I do? 63 00:03:19,181 --> 00:03:20,861 -[car engine revs] -[tyres screech] 64 00:03:24,021 --> 00:03:24,980 [music playing over radio] 65 00:03:25,061 --> 00:03:27,221 [Carl] I like them sausages in the tin, Steve, 66 00:03:27,301 --> 00:03:28,980 -the ones with the beans. -[Steve] Mm. 67 00:03:29,061 --> 00:03:30,581 -Classy. -I don't know. 68 00:03:32,501 --> 00:03:33,820 -Test me. -[Liam screaming] 69 00:03:34,420 --> 00:03:37,181 [indistinct chatter] 70 00:03:37,380 --> 00:03:38,581 This has gotta be a wind-up. 71 00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:40,140 What's wrong? 72 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,980 Off the school. Cheeky bastards. 73 00:03:44,301 --> 00:03:46,820 "For those parents unable to attend tomorrow evening 74 00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:48,260 a home visit will be made 75 00:03:48,341 --> 00:03:50,100 -within the next fortnight." -No way. 76 00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:53,181 The school's gonna get onto Social. 77 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:56,021 [Ian] So what do you reckon, Lip? 78 00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:56,941 [sighs] 79 00:03:58,581 --> 00:04:00,061 [Fiona] We could say Dad's lost the plot 80 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,260 so a home visit's a bit awkward at the moment. 81 00:04:02,341 --> 00:04:04,021 We could say Dad's drank the plot. 82 00:04:04,781 --> 00:04:05,941 Oh, God. 83 00:04:06,581 --> 00:04:08,100 Dad's gonna have to do the honours. 84 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:10,741 What? Some of us wanna go to sixth form, you know. 85 00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:13,941 Yeah, and he's the one they wanna see, so they can tick their boxes. 86 00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,501 So if you wanna go to sixth form, 87 00:04:15,581 --> 00:04:18,180 -you better make sure Dad goes. -Didn't know you cared. 88 00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:20,500 [Fiona] Course I care about your future, Lip. 89 00:04:20,581 --> 00:04:22,100 You're my pension! 90 00:04:23,021 --> 00:04:25,021 [Veronica] So, if you don't turn up at school, 91 00:04:25,101 --> 00:04:27,261 some bloody teacher'll turn up on your doorstep? 92 00:04:27,341 --> 00:04:30,620 -Yep. -Blimey. You've no chance then. 93 00:04:30,701 --> 00:04:32,861 You're gonna have to stick a bit of gaffer tape over Frank's gob 94 00:04:32,941 --> 00:04:34,301 and make him play dad for the night. 95 00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:35,941 [Fiona] That's more or less the plan. 96 00:04:36,861 --> 00:04:38,901 That place was a right shit heap when we went. 97 00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,221 -What's happened to it? -Don't know. 98 00:04:41,301 --> 00:04:44,421 They reckon there's too much apathy among the parents or something. 99 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,261 Hammersley's been promoted to head. 100 00:04:46,341 --> 00:04:49,581 Hammersley? Christ on a bike. 101 00:04:50,021 --> 00:04:50,901 [Fiona] Don't. 102 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:53,541 [Veronica sighs] At least Lip's doing all right. 103 00:04:53,620 --> 00:04:55,421 He's a bloody genius, that kid. I'm telling ya. 104 00:04:56,341 --> 00:04:57,781 Oh, is it nearly time? 105 00:04:58,101 --> 00:05:00,981 -Uh, less than a minute. -[Veronica groans] 106 00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:02,701 I'll have to gib this bloody lark. 107 00:05:02,940 --> 00:05:05,180 Twenty-seven more weeks and then the catalogue's paid off. 108 00:05:06,180 --> 00:05:07,620 -[timer ticking] -[bell rings] 109 00:05:07,701 --> 00:05:11,740 Oh, thank God for that. [sighs, groans] 110 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:18,740 Hot Baps is all in! Adios, losers. 111 00:05:19,141 --> 00:05:20,021 [whistles] 112 00:05:20,101 --> 00:05:22,940 -[whistling continues] -[groans] 113 00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:24,661 [moans] 114 00:05:27,101 --> 00:05:28,060 [moans] 115 00:05:30,701 --> 00:05:34,301 -[parrot whistling] -[moaning] 116 00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:35,821 [chuckles] 117 00:05:35,901 --> 00:05:38,461 -Isn't that dangerous? -Nah, makes 'em come a treat. 118 00:05:38,541 --> 00:05:40,380 It's my piece de whatsit. 119 00:05:40,461 --> 00:05:42,541 [man moaning] 120 00:05:43,021 --> 00:05:44,541 [parrot chirping] 121 00:05:45,021 --> 00:05:48,101 Que merda! 122 00:05:49,221 --> 00:05:50,620 -[man groans] -[parrot squawks] 123 00:05:55,901 --> 00:05:56,861 [door closes] 124 00:05:57,461 --> 00:05:58,901 You took your time. 125 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:00,021 [clicks fingers] 126 00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:04,180 [indistinct chatter on TV] 127 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:13,740 I'm gonna hop in the bath. 128 00:06:14,421 --> 00:06:16,380 Could you tape Location, Location, Location? 129 00:06:16,461 --> 00:06:18,461 -Okay. -It's Norwich tonight. 130 00:06:18,541 --> 00:06:19,661 Live from Norwich, 131 00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:21,740 -it's the quiz of the week! -Week! 132 00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:23,740 [both laughing] 133 00:06:24,221 --> 00:06:25,101 Oh... 134 00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:29,101 -Peter Fenn on the organ. -Peter bloody Fenn. 135 00:06:29,461 --> 00:06:31,101 [laughs] 136 00:06:31,461 --> 00:06:32,740 [indistinct chatter on TV] 137 00:06:33,021 --> 00:06:37,541 Norwich, East Anglia, Fens, Peter Fenn, 138 00:06:37,861 --> 00:06:39,581 -must be more than coincidence. -For God's sake! 139 00:06:39,661 --> 00:06:41,421 [Sheila] With a name like that, he must be a local lad. 140 00:06:42,221 --> 00:06:44,141 -[sighs] -You ought to get out more. 141 00:06:44,461 --> 00:06:48,060 [both laughing] 142 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:53,101 You are a tonic! [giggles] 143 00:06:56,421 --> 00:06:58,581 [Kirstie Allsopp] Tonight on Location, Location, Location, 144 00:06:58,661 --> 00:06:59,701 we're in Norfolk. 145 00:06:59,981 --> 00:07:01,701 [woman on TV] We've got to the stage now where 146 00:07:01,781 --> 00:07:03,981 -we're desperate to buy. -And we do need to find a house, 147 00:07:04,060 --> 00:07:05,261 because... 148 00:07:05,820 --> 00:07:08,180 I'll have to tape over one of these holiday programmes. 149 00:07:08,581 --> 00:07:10,380 [Sheila] There's some blank tapes there somewhere. 150 00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:11,541 Help her, Frank. 151 00:07:13,180 --> 00:07:14,661 What are you playing at? 152 00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:17,981 I'm finding a tape for me mum. 153 00:07:21,301 --> 00:07:22,461 Wish You Were Here...? 154 00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:30,101 Oh, no! 155 00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:32,701 [chuckles] No way. 156 00:07:35,101 --> 00:07:36,221 And here. 157 00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:41,661 And here. 158 00:07:56,701 --> 00:07:59,940 Tracksuit top, trainers, by the kidney beans. 159 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,221 [Yvonne over phone] I'm on it. 160 00:08:01,301 --> 00:08:03,981 [Umi] Gormless chum, acne, dustpan and brush. 161 00:08:11,421 --> 00:08:12,421 [Ian] Sorry, we're closing. 162 00:08:12,861 --> 00:08:13,781 Whoa! 163 00:08:15,101 --> 00:08:16,180 Pockets. 164 00:08:17,380 --> 00:08:18,981 And you, crater face. 165 00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:21,661 Is that a dustpan under your jacket or are you just pleased to see me? 166 00:08:21,740 --> 00:08:23,101 Stick them where the sun don't shine. 167 00:08:23,581 --> 00:08:24,820 49p, please. 168 00:08:25,141 --> 00:08:27,141 Let us out, or we'll torch the place. 169 00:08:27,221 --> 00:08:29,180 Huh? Did you hear that, officer? 170 00:08:29,861 --> 00:08:30,740 [boys] Bollocks. 171 00:08:33,621 --> 00:08:34,700 Arseholes. 172 00:08:40,541 --> 00:08:41,940 [indistinct chatter on television] 173 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:42,980 [Frank moaning] 174 00:08:43,340 --> 00:08:45,980 -[moans] She's out. -[Karen moans] Come here, you. 175 00:08:46,061 --> 00:08:46,980 [Frank moans] 176 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:53,021 [both moaning] 177 00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:54,821 Stop it. 178 00:08:54,901 --> 00:08:56,701 -[moans] -[doorbell rings] 179 00:08:57,941 --> 00:08:59,781 [Lip] All you have to do is tip up and smile. 180 00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:02,181 You'll be in the Jockey by ten and I'm sweet for sixth form. 181 00:09:02,581 --> 00:09:04,421 -[can opens] -It'll take two hours tops. 182 00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:07,821 Oh, two hours of bloody boffins carrying on with each other. 183 00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,901 Looking down their noses, you know, with their BA honours. 184 00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:15,021 -BA, bloody arrogant. -All you have to do 185 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,261 -is sit there. -And if communism's so great 186 00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:20,340 how come they've all got their own jars of coffee, 187 00:09:20,421 --> 00:09:21,941 with their names on? 188 00:09:22,220 --> 00:09:24,381 Text off Yaz, Heaton Park have got the go ahead. 189 00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,701 -[Frank] Fantastic -[Lip] Brilliant. 190 00:09:25,781 --> 00:09:29,021 The Coral, the Stands, the Bandits. A couple of shite bands an' all. 191 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,340 But how brilliant's that line up? 192 00:09:30,421 --> 00:09:31,661 -When is it? -Yeah. 193 00:09:31,741 --> 00:09:34,181 A week Sunday, but it'll be well sold out by then. 194 00:09:34,261 --> 00:09:36,901 Ah, well, you know, if you wanna keep music live. 195 00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:39,181 Yeah, and they'll be able to at 40 quid a ticket. 196 00:09:39,261 --> 00:09:42,621 [laughing] Oh, I'm burning flint, love. If I had it-- 197 00:09:42,701 --> 00:09:44,021 You could have come with us. 198 00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,261 -[Frank laughs nervously] -You're joking, aren't you? 199 00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:49,381 Do I look the gooseberry type? [laughs] 200 00:09:49,901 --> 00:09:53,061 -Oh, you don't want me there. -Why not? It'd be fun? 201 00:09:53,141 --> 00:09:55,220 If he's going anywhere, it's parents evening, eh, Dad? 202 00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:58,901 I... am going... 203 00:09:59,581 --> 00:10:02,261 nowhere with nobody. 204 00:10:05,220 --> 00:10:06,061 Right? 205 00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:07,781 Got that? 206 00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,181 -[door opens] -[music playing] 207 00:10:09,261 --> 00:10:11,021 'Ere, give us a hand with these, will you? 208 00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,661 -What's in it for me? -Blow job. 209 00:10:14,741 --> 00:10:15,980 [phone ringing] 210 00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,100 Hiya, Mam. Everything all right? 211 00:10:19,541 --> 00:10:21,181 [Umi] Bend your knees when you're lifting boxes. 212 00:10:21,261 --> 00:10:22,501 That's how you do your back in. 213 00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:24,941 Oh, and tell Ian to stop picking. 214 00:10:25,021 --> 00:10:27,061 He's always picking, he'll get pock marks. 215 00:10:28,021 --> 00:10:29,941 Hm. Higher. 216 00:10:30,581 --> 00:10:32,980 Getting warmer. [giggles] 217 00:10:33,061 --> 00:10:34,501 Say, "Red Leicester." 218 00:10:34,581 --> 00:10:39,061 [giggles] Oh. No wave for your poor old mum, eh? 219 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,460 [laughs] 220 00:10:48,901 --> 00:10:51,181 -That was my idea. -Jesus. 221 00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:53,821 Already saved two pound forty-eight in stolen goods. 222 00:10:56,261 --> 00:10:57,141 What? 223 00:10:58,141 --> 00:10:59,661 -How many cameras? -Two. 224 00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,781 -What, covering the whole floor? -Yeah. 225 00:11:02,781 --> 00:11:04,661 -[sighs] -Oh, shit. 226 00:11:06,701 --> 00:11:07,781 We've still got the stock room. 227 00:11:09,141 --> 00:11:10,740 -Look, Kash, honestly I-- -Hands off. 228 00:11:10,821 --> 00:11:12,581 Eye in the sky, remember? 229 00:11:13,541 --> 00:11:15,141 So, keep your hands off the married Paki. 230 00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:21,781 [man on radio] ...fifty-eight, expected 100 miles north of Cape Finisterre. 231 00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:25,181 Nine hundred and sixty-eight by 0600 Monday. 232 00:11:25,501 --> 00:11:27,261 -The area forecast... -Shall we have the light off? 233 00:11:28,901 --> 00:11:32,100 Viking. North Utsire. South Utsire. 234 00:11:32,661 --> 00:11:34,021 Forties. Cromarty. 235 00:11:36,621 --> 00:11:39,980 All those places... Rockall, Malin... 236 00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:42,501 Hebrides, Bailey... 237 00:11:43,541 --> 00:11:44,381 Frank? 238 00:11:45,141 --> 00:11:46,021 Yes, love. 239 00:11:46,501 --> 00:11:48,181 When I'm cured, will you take me to Malin Head? 240 00:11:48,581 --> 00:11:50,621 Anywhere you want, princess. 241 00:11:51,541 --> 00:11:52,460 Where is it? 242 00:11:53,141 --> 00:11:56,061 The Emerald Isle, eight miles north of Malin. 243 00:11:56,381 --> 00:11:57,701 [Frank] Any time you like. 244 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,860 It's the most northerly part of the mainland. 245 00:12:00,941 --> 00:12:02,061 Smashing. 246 00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:07,541 Frank, I'd love us to go. 247 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:11,941 -Then go we shall. -Me, you, Karen. 248 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,261 -She could share the driving. -Yeah. 249 00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:20,141 That's the beauty of CCTV, 250 00:12:20,460 --> 00:12:22,340 -shoplifters, shirt lifters. -I'm such a tool. 251 00:12:22,421 --> 00:12:23,740 I didn't even think about it though. 252 00:12:23,821 --> 00:12:25,381 Save on groceries, save on condoms. 253 00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:26,821 Hey, do you get staff discount? 254 00:12:26,901 --> 00:12:28,701 You think you're so funny. Believe me, you're not. 255 00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:29,821 -Just asking. -You're a muppet. 256 00:12:32,421 --> 00:12:34,100 [Frank] The thing is, Sheila, it's like... 257 00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:36,740 I'm allergic to school. 258 00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:40,340 I mean, we all have our little phobias, and school's mine. 259 00:12:40,661 --> 00:12:42,460 I just hoped that you might do it for Karen. 260 00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:47,701 Look, it's not like these things are all about the kiddies, is it? 261 00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:50,421 You know, these days it's all league tables 262 00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:53,141 and PR, spin and PR. 263 00:12:53,220 --> 00:12:55,301 I could really do with someone to hold my hand. 264 00:12:55,381 --> 00:12:57,620 [Sheila] Hear that? You've been like a father 265 00:12:57,701 --> 00:12:59,301 to her for the last few weeks, Frank. 266 00:12:59,381 --> 00:13:01,220 I think you've earnt the right to along tonight. 267 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,340 In loco parentis... 268 00:13:04,181 --> 00:13:06,261 -for me and Eddie. -Look, 269 00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:10,821 I've just told me own kids to go swivel. For God's sake! 270 00:13:11,941 --> 00:13:13,381 [Sheila] If I could go myself... 271 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,661 You do know that, don't you, love? 272 00:13:21,141 --> 00:13:22,541 Jesus wept. 273 00:13:23,061 --> 00:13:25,141 You are so coming tonight, Frank. 274 00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:28,021 We've got a pass out for a couple of hours 275 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,381 and there's no way you're letting me down. 276 00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:32,261 -I'd be gutted... -[groans] 277 00:13:33,141 --> 00:13:34,980 ...and me mam's bound to notice. 278 00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:37,541 -[Frank groans] -She's got this knack... 279 00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:40,301 Always getting the truth out of me. 280 00:13:46,661 --> 00:13:48,901 And we wouldn't want that, now, would we? 281 00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:53,821 -[dog barking] -[kids chattering indistinctly] 282 00:13:54,061 --> 00:13:55,661 [kids giggling] 283 00:14:01,620 --> 00:14:04,541 [Kash] Yeah. Just a bit-- a little bit b-- Yeah, there. 284 00:14:04,620 --> 00:14:06,541 Yeah. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Try that. 285 00:14:09,781 --> 00:14:11,381 [Ian laughs over phone] Check this. 286 00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:15,901 -Can you see shag valley? -[Kash laughing] 287 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,661 -[Ian] Get down here now. -[Kash chuckles] 288 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:20,821 We are home and dry. 289 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,421 [both panting, moaning] 290 00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:52,061 And where did you two spring from? 291 00:14:53,061 --> 00:14:54,860 Oh, come on. We're gonna be late. 292 00:14:55,581 --> 00:14:56,980 [sighs] Right. 293 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,181 -[Frank sighs] -Oh, Frank. 294 00:15:05,261 --> 00:15:07,860 In loco bleeding parentis. 295 00:15:08,381 --> 00:15:09,460 -[chuckles] -[knocking at door] 296 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:12,021 [Frank mutters] 297 00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:15,301 -Hiya, Megan. -[Megan chuckles] 298 00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:17,661 Hiya. Here for your session with agoraphobic Annie? 299 00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:19,141 -[laughs] -Hello, Frank. Hi, love. 300 00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:21,141 -You ready for the off, then? -Raring to go. 301 00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,821 Right, and don't let her spend too much. 302 00:15:22,901 --> 00:15:24,100 -[chuckles] -[Karen] Come on, Frank. 303 00:15:24,181 --> 00:15:25,220 Good luck. 304 00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:27,421 Parents evening. 305 00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:29,701 Right then, time for a little retail therapy. 306 00:15:30,061 --> 00:15:31,860 [indistinct chatter] 307 00:15:39,860 --> 00:15:41,220 -Frank, you need to sign in. -[Frank] Huh? 308 00:15:41,740 --> 00:15:43,500 Oh, righty ho. 309 00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:51,661 -Did you know about this? -[sighs] 310 00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:54,661 [Lip] What's he doing here? 311 00:15:58,301 --> 00:16:00,740 -What have you brought him for? -What the hell are you doing here? 312 00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:03,901 I'm here for Karen. Loco parentis. 313 00:16:04,301 --> 00:16:06,301 -Et tu, Brute? -[Fiona] No offence, Karen, 314 00:16:06,380 --> 00:16:09,340 but we said you were in the hospital. That's why you couldn't come. 315 00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:12,141 That's a fucking horrible thing to say. 316 00:16:12,541 --> 00:16:14,380 Hey, don't go tempting fate, you! 317 00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:17,061 Hospital? With what? 318 00:16:17,261 --> 00:16:19,220 Liver dysfunction. We knew they'd buy that. 319 00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:22,421 No, look, hang on. They don't know him anyway. 320 00:16:22,620 --> 00:16:23,941 Unless he's been when you were here. 321 00:16:24,340 --> 00:16:25,460 [Fiona] He never came for me. 322 00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:28,220 [Lip] Right, and he's never been while me and Ian have been here, has he? 323 00:16:28,701 --> 00:16:32,181 Hey, I'm all she's got 'cause her dad fucked... 324 00:16:32,261 --> 00:16:33,181 Remember? 325 00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,220 God, that's what gets me about you lot, you know. 326 00:16:35,301 --> 00:16:38,061 Generosity, one way traffic. Me, me, me. 327 00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:39,781 The show is on the road. 328 00:16:40,261 --> 00:16:42,220 Point us at the first one, sweetheart. 329 00:16:42,821 --> 00:16:43,941 Um, chemistry's free. 330 00:16:46,781 --> 00:16:48,100 I'm sorry, am I-- 331 00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:50,661 -Am I early or late? Eh? -[sighs] 332 00:16:52,980 --> 00:16:55,100 [machine beeping] 333 00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:56,860 [electronic buzzing] 334 00:16:56,941 --> 00:16:59,901 Oh! [laughs] Dickie wheel on the trolley. 335 00:17:00,141 --> 00:17:02,141 Swap it for a new one, they're by the doors. 336 00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:03,141 No, I... 337 00:17:03,860 --> 00:17:05,140 This one's fine, thanks. [chuckles] 338 00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:06,860 I'll be right beside you. 339 00:17:10,940 --> 00:17:13,461 -[Sheila breathes heavily] -[machine beeping] 340 00:17:14,021 --> 00:17:15,140 I can't. [chuckles] 341 00:17:15,821 --> 00:17:17,021 -[Megan] Sure? -No, sorry. I can't. 342 00:17:17,301 --> 00:17:20,061 Okay, tell you what, why don't we start in the drinks aisle? 343 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,581 Oh, a drink. Yes, please. 344 00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:24,021 Oh. 345 00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:25,660 Oh. 346 00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:29,301 -[machine beeping] -[Sheila] Oh. 347 00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:33,381 Fiona, with all respect this is a parent's evening and you're a sibling, hmm? 348 00:17:33,461 --> 00:17:35,061 I'm a guardian while Dad's in hospital. 349 00:17:35,341 --> 00:17:37,741 Look, I've made the rule, I'll have to stick to it. 350 00:17:38,141 --> 00:17:39,821 Home visit. [clears throat] Home. 351 00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:41,541 [stammers] What if Dad doesn't get out? 352 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,341 That is a possibility. 353 00:17:43,420 --> 00:17:44,861 Oh, we're a doctor now, Phillip? 354 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:46,061 -[chuckles] -No. 355 00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:48,861 But he is. 356 00:17:53,741 --> 00:17:56,420 Steven McBride, I'm Fiona's husband... 357 00:17:57,221 --> 00:17:58,101 to be. 358 00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:01,381 Mr Hammersley, I don't get it. If Lip-- Phillip 359 00:18:01,461 --> 00:18:03,781 wants to sit history and he's good at history, 360 00:18:03,861 --> 00:18:05,701 then what's to gain from stopping him? 361 00:18:06,221 --> 00:18:08,660 Seriously, higher grades all round 362 00:18:08,741 --> 00:18:11,141 and a much more pleasant teaching experience. 363 00:18:11,221 --> 00:18:13,141 -What did he get in his mocks? -[Hammersley] He was lucky. 364 00:18:13,981 --> 00:18:15,940 -Above average. -Ninety-two percent. 365 00:18:16,021 --> 00:18:18,541 Fine. But while his grades spiral, the others all plummet. 366 00:18:18,621 --> 00:18:19,461 [bangs desk] 367 00:18:20,021 --> 00:18:21,381 -He's disruptive. -No, I'm not. 368 00:18:21,461 --> 00:18:22,581 -He's contradictory. -No, I'm not! 369 00:18:22,660 --> 00:18:23,861 -You see. -Shut up, Lip. 370 00:18:23,940 --> 00:18:26,900 [Steve] If I could-- If I could just have five minutes alone with Mr Hammersley. 371 00:18:26,981 --> 00:18:28,821 If things are being said, I want to hear it. 372 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:29,741 Fiona. 373 00:18:31,461 --> 00:18:32,420 Come on, Lip. 374 00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:34,541 [Hammersley exhales] 375 00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:39,021 Look, I know what he's like and I know what you're thinking. 376 00:18:39,101 --> 00:18:40,940 Mm-mm. No, you don't. [chuckles] 377 00:18:41,021 --> 00:18:42,501 Smart arsed little fucker. 378 00:18:43,341 --> 00:18:45,660 [chuckles] Much, much worse than that. 379 00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:46,781 [both chuckling] 380 00:18:47,541 --> 00:18:49,180 Look, um, do you smoke? 381 00:18:49,660 --> 00:18:51,061 [inhales] 382 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,021 [exhales] 383 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:57,700 [Steve] How long you got left in the job? 384 00:18:58,101 --> 00:19:02,180 -[door creaks] -Seventy-two and a half weeks. 385 00:19:04,861 --> 00:19:06,101 Phillip's a keen lad. 386 00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:08,221 I mean, he wants to be an architect. 387 00:19:08,301 --> 00:19:09,420 [Hammersley] He's a twat. 388 00:19:10,021 --> 00:19:13,061 Well, they all are. Kids, staff, parents. 389 00:19:13,541 --> 00:19:15,141 -No offence. -Ah, none taken. 390 00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:18,101 [inhales sharply] You not having one? 391 00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:21,021 No, I try not to use that stuff when I'm-- When I'm working. 392 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,141 Jesus Christ. 393 00:19:27,221 --> 00:19:28,900 [Frank] It was massive, you know, this thing. 394 00:19:28,981 --> 00:19:31,261 See, I know for a fact that PB is lead, 395 00:19:31,581 --> 00:19:33,461 T is tin, Z is zinc. 396 00:19:33,541 --> 00:19:36,541 You know, you had to know all that to work at Hanson's steel yard, see. 397 00:19:36,741 --> 00:19:38,940 Now, I worked there 'til it shut down, but-- 398 00:19:39,141 --> 00:19:41,061 Well, no, uh, I left a bit before that. 399 00:19:41,141 --> 00:19:43,981 But you had to be shit hot at chemistry, you know. 400 00:19:44,581 --> 00:19:48,101 Yeah. Never a truer word said, "If you can read this 401 00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:49,700 -tell the teacher." -"Thank your teacher." 402 00:19:49,781 --> 00:19:50,821 Thank your teacher. 403 00:19:52,261 --> 00:19:54,301 -[Megan] A lottery ticket? -[Sheila] Not today, thank you. 404 00:19:54,981 --> 00:19:58,821 -Packet of fags for Frank? -No, um, I'd rather pay. [chuckles] 405 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:01,501 [Megan] Where's your sense of adventure, Sheila? Come on, let's give it a try. 406 00:20:01,741 --> 00:20:02,621 Here we go. 407 00:20:03,741 --> 00:20:05,341 Past the fruit and veg... 408 00:20:06,381 --> 00:20:09,180 -Past the carnations-- -It's too near the doors. 409 00:20:09,261 --> 00:20:10,700 -[sobbing] -You're doing great, Sheila. 410 00:20:11,061 --> 00:20:13,341 [Sheila sobbing] It's too near the doors. 411 00:20:13,541 --> 00:20:16,141 [Megan] You're fine, look. We're here already, sweets and tobacco. 412 00:20:16,221 --> 00:20:18,341 No, it's too near. [sobbing] 413 00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:20,541 [Megan] Just the one ticket, or should we go and get a scratch card-- 414 00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:21,940 [Sheila sobbing] 415 00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,101 -The doors. -[Megan] Never mind. 416 00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:24,741 I told you it's too near the doors. 417 00:20:27,741 --> 00:20:32,180 Year zero, Gallagher. Clean sheet, no pun intended. 418 00:20:32,261 --> 00:20:33,461 [laughs] 419 00:20:35,861 --> 00:20:37,501 You mean he can do it? He can do history? 420 00:20:37,581 --> 00:20:38,861 He can do what he wants. [laughs] 421 00:20:38,940 --> 00:20:41,221 What, and you won't shaft me with the course work? 422 00:20:41,301 --> 00:20:46,101 Me? Guess again, Tin Tin. [laughs] 423 00:20:46,180 --> 00:20:50,501 [Hammersley continues laughing] 424 00:20:58,741 --> 00:21:01,221 -What's Steve said to him? -How should I know? 425 00:21:03,101 --> 00:21:04,261 What's all that about? 426 00:21:06,461 --> 00:21:09,381 To gain strength, you sometimes have to demonstrate weakness. 427 00:21:09,461 --> 00:21:11,261 [laughs] What are you on about? 428 00:21:11,341 --> 00:21:13,381 I told him he still wets the bed. Cheered him up no end, 429 00:21:13,461 --> 00:21:15,301 he thinks he's got something on you now. [sniffs] 430 00:21:15,381 --> 00:21:17,741 -Where's the bogs by the way? -Down there, second right. 431 00:21:18,141 --> 00:21:21,180 -[laughs] -Is he serious? 432 00:21:21,461 --> 00:21:22,741 Pissing the bed at my age. 433 00:21:23,261 --> 00:21:24,420 Aw. 434 00:21:24,501 --> 00:21:26,341 -[stutters] Get off. -People do. 435 00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,021 [hisses] 436 00:21:30,381 --> 00:21:31,981 [thumping] 437 00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:36,341 [muffled giggling] 438 00:21:49,460 --> 00:21:51,660 [moaning] 439 00:21:53,061 --> 00:21:55,541 [Karen moaning] 440 00:22:02,381 --> 00:22:04,301 [pants, groans] 441 00:22:05,221 --> 00:22:07,381 -Hey, we can't-- -[Karen] Oh, we can. 442 00:22:10,101 --> 00:22:11,900 -Are you serious? -Toilets are blocked, mate. 443 00:22:11,981 --> 00:22:13,141 All right? Come on. 444 00:22:13,221 --> 00:22:14,900 [stutters] Hammersley's going to tell everyone. 445 00:22:14,981 --> 00:22:16,700 I mean, literally take the piss out of me. 446 00:22:16,781 --> 00:22:18,301 Do you know what, Lip, that's the only fact of life 447 00:22:18,381 --> 00:22:21,141 we really need to get used to, that people can and will. 448 00:22:30,101 --> 00:22:32,061 -Here you are, Stevo. -Cheers. Kev. Thanks. 449 00:22:32,141 --> 00:22:33,180 A pint, Kev. 450 00:22:33,621 --> 00:22:35,460 Franky, you're getting later and later. 451 00:22:35,981 --> 00:22:37,221 Must be all those home comforts. 452 00:22:37,301 --> 00:22:38,141 [Frank] All right. 453 00:22:39,700 --> 00:22:41,341 No, Karen's had him up the school. 454 00:22:42,581 --> 00:22:44,541 And a packet of dry-roasted, Kev. 455 00:22:44,981 --> 00:22:47,981 -[Kev] He smells better as well. -[Frank] Sticks and stones. 456 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,101 How did you get on with the teachers, Frank? 457 00:22:51,021 --> 00:22:54,101 Total waste of time. Bits of kids teaching bits of kids. 458 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:56,501 Yeah. How long you been fucking Karen for? 459 00:22:58,021 --> 00:22:59,061 Eh? 460 00:22:59,660 --> 00:23:02,021 Sorry, mate, my mum's always telling me off about mumbling. 461 00:23:02,101 --> 00:23:03,981 I said, "How long have you been fucking Karen for?" 462 00:23:05,900 --> 00:23:07,861 I don't know what you're bloody talking about. 463 00:23:08,940 --> 00:23:09,900 [Steve] In the toilets. 464 00:23:11,621 --> 00:23:13,541 Your son's girlfriend, Frank... 465 00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:15,821 your girlfriend's daughter. 466 00:23:16,301 --> 00:23:19,381 [scoffs] You're one twisted little shit, you know that? 467 00:23:20,781 --> 00:23:23,221 You call time on it, Frank, or I'll blow the whistle. 468 00:23:28,301 --> 00:23:30,021 -What's that about? -Kev, I'll have another. 469 00:23:30,420 --> 00:23:31,900 [belches] A whisky chaser. 470 00:23:33,981 --> 00:23:34,981 [belches] 471 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,501 [Sheila panting] I don't know. 472 00:23:38,981 --> 00:23:40,180 Two baths in one night. 473 00:23:40,261 --> 00:23:42,821 [Frank] Oh, schools stink worse than hospitals. 474 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:43,981 What about pubs? 475 00:23:48,021 --> 00:23:48,981 Tell me again, love. 476 00:23:50,061 --> 00:23:52,141 [groans] Oh, God. How many more times? 477 00:23:52,221 --> 00:23:53,061 Please. 478 00:23:54,301 --> 00:23:56,821 -If I could have gone myself. -All right. He said... 479 00:23:57,301 --> 00:24:00,940 she was developing into a very poised young woman. 480 00:24:02,660 --> 00:24:04,460 -"Very poised." -Yeah. 481 00:24:05,101 --> 00:24:06,180 Quite the young lady. 482 00:24:07,821 --> 00:24:09,460 Yeah, she's a woman, all right. 483 00:24:10,700 --> 00:24:12,221 The way they grow up these days. 484 00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:14,900 -Harder! -[groans] 485 00:24:15,940 --> 00:24:17,581 [Sheila] She'll always be a baby to me. 486 00:24:19,660 --> 00:24:22,581 [sobbing] My shopping didn't go very well. 487 00:24:24,180 --> 00:24:25,221 What, forgot the milk? 488 00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:31,261 I can't even get out the doors of a pretend supermarket. 489 00:24:33,021 --> 00:24:35,061 How am I ever going to get to Malin Head? 490 00:24:35,141 --> 00:24:36,700 Hey, hey. Come on, come on. 491 00:24:37,541 --> 00:24:40,621 We are going to Malin Head. Eh? 492 00:24:41,261 --> 00:24:42,381 End of story. 493 00:24:43,981 --> 00:24:47,900 [sobs] Life's going on all around me, Frank, 494 00:24:47,981 --> 00:24:49,301 and I'm missing out. 495 00:24:50,341 --> 00:24:52,460 [sighs] Hey, come on. Hey. [shushes] 496 00:24:53,301 --> 00:24:56,460 You'll get through those doors any day now. 497 00:24:57,101 --> 00:24:58,021 Hmm. 498 00:24:59,021 --> 00:25:01,021 And you'll never look back. 499 00:25:01,460 --> 00:25:02,741 [Sheila sighs] 500 00:25:07,501 --> 00:25:09,381 [Lip] If I could get my hands on tickets for Heaton Park, 501 00:25:09,460 --> 00:25:10,741 Karen would be well impressed. 502 00:25:13,501 --> 00:25:15,101 I don't suppose there's any chance you could lend us 503 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:17,220 -eighty of your pink pounds? -[Debbie screams] 504 00:25:19,741 --> 00:25:22,460 -[Debbie screams] -For God's sake, Debs, give it a rest. 505 00:25:22,541 --> 00:25:23,460 -[Debbie] It's massive! 506 00:25:23,541 --> 00:25:25,660 -Like I can magic eighty... -[Debbie screams] 507 00:25:25,741 --> 00:25:27,301 -...quid. -You could always liberate it 508 00:25:27,381 --> 00:25:29,261 from that till. 509 00:25:29,341 --> 00:25:30,420 He scores! [laughs] 510 00:25:30,501 --> 00:25:33,180 -[Ian] Good shot, man. -[both laughing] 511 00:25:33,261 --> 00:25:34,141 Job done, Debs. 512 00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:36,621 Right, Debs, your starter for ten. 513 00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:39,940 Which member of Atomic Kitten is currently sporting a face full of moth? 514 00:25:40,021 --> 00:25:41,061 Not Liz. 515 00:25:42,581 --> 00:25:45,541 -Ah, Jenny. -Hey, hey. [chuckles] 516 00:25:46,220 --> 00:25:47,621 I've got eighty quid. 517 00:25:50,101 --> 00:25:52,141 [Lip] Listen, I'll pay you back. 518 00:25:52,420 --> 00:25:53,541 I'm not bothered. 519 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:55,581 [Lip] I'm gonna take Karen to a festival. 520 00:25:55,660 --> 00:25:56,940 I'll be well in t' good books for this. 521 00:25:57,021 --> 00:26:00,061 Do you need extra, for spends, drinks, snacks etc? 522 00:26:00,141 --> 00:26:01,381 No, I've got enough for that. 523 00:26:02,621 --> 00:26:03,501 [chuckles] 524 00:26:07,501 --> 00:26:08,460 Look, Debs... 525 00:26:10,021 --> 00:26:13,301 I do think you're a bit weird sometimes, but good weird. 526 00:26:14,021 --> 00:26:15,861 -All right? -Whatever. 527 00:26:21,900 --> 00:26:23,861 -Has she taken a sleeping pill? -No. 528 00:26:24,220 --> 00:26:26,460 -[Karen] Who's a bold boy? -Right, listen, babe, 529 00:26:26,541 --> 00:26:29,781 there's no easy way to say this. It's my lad. 530 00:26:29,861 --> 00:26:32,621 -Mm, what about him? -Look-- Look, something's 531 00:26:33,021 --> 00:26:36,341 gotta give here, and as usual it's yours friggin' truly. 532 00:26:36,420 --> 00:26:39,900 I can't do it to the lad. I mean, me and you... 533 00:26:41,301 --> 00:26:43,501 -that's it. -[stutters] Are you dumping me? 534 00:26:43,581 --> 00:26:44,420 No way. 535 00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:47,981 Hey, driving lessons, I'm there. 536 00:26:48,781 --> 00:26:52,741 You know, help with your studies, fix your hi-fi, I'm there, just no more-- 537 00:26:52,821 --> 00:26:55,261 -You know, the other. -You can't do this. 538 00:26:55,700 --> 00:26:56,821 [sighs] 539 00:26:57,981 --> 00:27:01,940 A man has gotta look his son in the eye, hasn't he? 540 00:27:02,141 --> 00:27:06,381 I mean, I held him the day after he was born. 541 00:27:08,021 --> 00:27:11,861 [stutters] I-- I held him... and everything. 542 00:27:14,101 --> 00:27:15,381 Fucking massive. 543 00:27:18,781 --> 00:27:19,621 All right. 544 00:27:20,261 --> 00:27:21,420 [door opens] 545 00:27:23,261 --> 00:27:24,141 [door closes] 546 00:27:26,141 --> 00:27:30,180 [sirens blaring in distance] 547 00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:34,501 -[Yvonne] See you later. -[woman] See you. 548 00:27:34,581 --> 00:27:35,781 [Yvonne] Goodnight. 549 00:27:35,861 --> 00:27:37,420 Can't half rabbit, my mam. 550 00:27:37,501 --> 00:27:39,141 Still, you've fixed her shower, 551 00:27:39,821 --> 00:27:41,581 and your halo's never been brighter. 552 00:27:42,700 --> 00:27:45,420 -You've got to see this. -[footsteps approaching] 553 00:27:47,180 --> 00:27:49,101 -Let's just go, hey? -Wait a minute. 554 00:27:49,861 --> 00:27:50,861 It's a killer. 555 00:27:52,101 --> 00:27:53,621 -It's a Houdini jobbie. -Yeah? 556 00:27:54,621 --> 00:27:56,940 Right. There's Ian, see... 557 00:27:57,861 --> 00:27:59,061 disappears by the veg... 558 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:02,061 and there's my husband... 559 00:28:02,940 --> 00:28:04,261 and what do you know... 560 00:28:05,581 --> 00:28:07,741 disappears into the same Bermuda triangle. 561 00:28:08,141 --> 00:28:11,700 -Yvonne. -Oh! But the grand finale... 562 00:28:14,101 --> 00:28:14,940 Here we go. 563 00:28:16,180 --> 00:28:17,141 Wait for it. 564 00:28:18,420 --> 00:28:20,061 Four and a half minutes later... 565 00:28:21,301 --> 00:28:22,141 there's Ian... 566 00:28:22,900 --> 00:28:25,101 and there's the father of my children... 567 00:28:25,940 --> 00:28:29,741 with his shirt hanging out the back of his trousers. 568 00:28:30,781 --> 00:28:33,660 -[Kash] Jesus. -[Yvonne] The original lifted shirt. 569 00:28:33,741 --> 00:28:35,420 -[Kash] Yvonne. -Keys? 570 00:28:39,021 --> 00:28:40,501 And the car keys. 571 00:28:44,341 --> 00:28:47,501 -[rock music playing] -[indistinct chatter] 572 00:28:47,581 --> 00:28:48,581 [music continues] 573 00:28:53,180 --> 00:28:57,101 Karen? Karen, I'll leave your cuppa by the door, okay? 574 00:29:07,541 --> 00:29:08,940 Do you think she's angry with me? 575 00:29:09,301 --> 00:29:10,341 Projecting? 576 00:29:10,980 --> 00:29:12,821 I read it in my Dear Julie column. 577 00:29:13,021 --> 00:29:14,381 [Frank] Dear Julie? 578 00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:16,101 She knows the square root of fuck all, that one. 579 00:29:17,821 --> 00:29:20,420 Maybe I clip her wings in ways I didn't even realise. 580 00:29:20,501 --> 00:29:22,021 Would you like me to have a word with her? 581 00:29:22,101 --> 00:29:23,781 Oh, if you've got time 582 00:29:23,861 --> 00:29:26,940 -that would be wonder-- -Oh, the kid will love that, Sheil. Eh? 583 00:29:27,021 --> 00:29:28,781 There she is, having a lie in, 584 00:29:28,861 --> 00:29:30,821 you know, happy as Larry. Next thing she knows, 585 00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:32,821 Nurse Looney Tunes is sat on the end of her bed 586 00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:34,301 giving it a load of cobblers. 587 00:29:36,261 --> 00:29:38,381 -No offence, like. -[footsteps approaching] 588 00:29:39,301 --> 00:29:40,141 [door opening] 589 00:29:41,261 --> 00:29:42,101 [door slamming] 590 00:29:42,940 --> 00:29:43,781 [inhales] 591 00:29:45,621 --> 00:29:48,821 It's not hereditary, Frank. I'm not catching. 592 00:29:48,900 --> 00:29:51,061 [Sheila breathes heavily] 593 00:29:51,501 --> 00:29:55,061 [imitates trumpet] 594 00:29:59,501 --> 00:30:01,460 -Francisco! -Cut the chit chat, 595 00:30:01,541 --> 00:30:02,940 give us a large whisky. 596 00:30:04,660 --> 00:30:06,741 [footsteps approaching] 597 00:30:07,141 --> 00:30:09,180 -What have you said to the kids? -Oh, you know, 598 00:30:09,821 --> 00:30:11,581 Daddy's going to hell in a hand cart. 599 00:30:12,141 --> 00:30:13,821 Daddy likes hot cock. 600 00:30:14,940 --> 00:30:16,741 Like I'm gonna tell the kids. 601 00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:20,021 -What about me mam? -[sighs] 602 00:30:20,821 --> 00:30:22,101 You bastard. 603 00:30:23,741 --> 00:30:24,741 What about me? 604 00:30:26,021 --> 00:30:27,061 -[sniffles] -I'm sorry. 605 00:30:28,420 --> 00:30:29,460 New house rules. 606 00:30:30,220 --> 00:30:33,261 -We shag until I get pregnant. -What? 607 00:30:33,741 --> 00:30:35,581 -I want another baby. -Yvonne! 608 00:30:36,821 --> 00:30:38,781 From now on, you're kipping up there. 609 00:30:39,261 --> 00:30:40,660 You can only come home to visit the kids 610 00:30:41,341 --> 00:30:43,180 and once I'm pregnant, you can shag who you like, 611 00:30:43,261 --> 00:30:45,301 front or back. But not here. 612 00:30:45,861 --> 00:30:47,501 And only after I'm up the duff. 613 00:30:48,541 --> 00:30:49,501 And what about him? 614 00:31:04,141 --> 00:31:05,420 There's summat you should know. 615 00:31:05,501 --> 00:31:06,781 [Lip] Uh-uh. Me first. 616 00:31:11,940 --> 00:31:13,621 Ta-da! [chuckles] 617 00:31:13,940 --> 00:31:15,261 Oh, my God. 618 00:31:16,141 --> 00:31:19,141 Heaton Park. [stutters] But these cost a fortune. 619 00:31:19,220 --> 00:31:21,741 I had to flog one of my kidneys. I'll be fine. 620 00:31:23,861 --> 00:31:24,700 You're mad. 621 00:31:27,141 --> 00:31:28,141 I love you, you clown. 622 00:31:29,700 --> 00:31:32,821 [groans, moans] 623 00:31:35,501 --> 00:31:38,621 -[Lip pants, groans] -[Karen moans] 624 00:31:44,061 --> 00:31:45,101 [door unlocks] 625 00:31:46,420 --> 00:31:47,301 [door opens] 626 00:31:49,900 --> 00:31:51,541 Do you want to watch a vid? I'll boot the kids out. 627 00:31:51,621 --> 00:31:53,061 [Karen] No, look. 628 00:31:53,980 --> 00:31:55,420 There's no easy way to say this... 629 00:31:57,061 --> 00:31:58,501 I think we should stop seeing each other. 630 00:31:58,581 --> 00:32:00,180 [laughs] What? 'Cause the sex is crap? 631 00:32:01,220 --> 00:32:02,900 I just think it would be better if we were mates. 632 00:32:03,900 --> 00:32:06,621 If it's because I said-- Look, I don't love you, love you-- 633 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:07,541 -It's not that. 634 00:32:08,141 --> 00:32:10,541 [Lip sighs] What was all that about? 635 00:32:11,460 --> 00:32:13,541 Payback for the fucking tickets? 636 00:32:14,460 --> 00:32:15,861 An eighty quid special! 637 00:32:17,581 --> 00:32:18,501 Great. 638 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:24,301 Look, you don't have to dump me, I don't love you, honest. 639 00:32:24,381 --> 00:32:26,821 -I'm sorry. -Please, don't do this. 640 00:32:27,541 --> 00:32:29,301 Look, I don't love you. 641 00:32:31,220 --> 00:32:32,501 Is there somebody else? 642 00:32:33,541 --> 00:32:34,541 [sighs] 643 00:32:37,900 --> 00:32:40,381 -[Fiona] What are you doing up here? -I'm gone. 644 00:32:42,101 --> 00:32:44,621 [sobs] 645 00:32:45,180 --> 00:32:46,021 Lip? 646 00:32:47,781 --> 00:32:49,261 [sobs] 647 00:32:49,781 --> 00:32:51,781 [stutters] Please, don't say owt. 648 00:32:53,341 --> 00:32:54,180 [sobs] 649 00:32:55,781 --> 00:32:56,940 Oh, Lip. 650 00:33:00,141 --> 00:33:01,180 Come on, sweetheart. 651 00:33:02,501 --> 00:33:07,301 -Let's leave him alone. -[sobs] 652 00:33:17,940 --> 00:33:19,541 [Ian] Who do you reckon it is then, Lip? 653 00:33:21,341 --> 00:33:22,341 I'll twat him for you. 654 00:33:23,301 --> 00:33:25,061 She took both tickets. 655 00:33:26,220 --> 00:33:27,061 Nice. 656 00:33:28,700 --> 00:33:30,301 Blew you off then blew you out. 657 00:33:30,381 --> 00:33:32,980 [both laughing] 658 00:33:33,061 --> 00:33:35,341 You're about this funny. 659 00:33:35,621 --> 00:33:36,821 [both laughing] 660 00:33:36,900 --> 00:33:38,180 So, why are you laughing? 661 00:33:39,261 --> 00:33:42,781 Because I'm eighty quid down and my girlfriend's dumped me! 662 00:34:01,420 --> 00:34:03,740 -Heaton Park, any takers? -No chance. 663 00:34:04,061 --> 00:34:05,021 She'd never know. 664 00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:07,220 I thought Lip was going with you. 665 00:34:08,061 --> 00:34:09,061 Lip's history. 666 00:34:10,180 --> 00:34:11,660 -Go on, you... -No. 667 00:34:12,141 --> 00:34:14,421 -...me. -[both breathing heavily] 668 00:34:14,501 --> 00:34:16,501 A whole day away from this place. 669 00:34:16,581 --> 00:34:18,541 Okay, you and me are finito, kid. 670 00:34:19,941 --> 00:34:20,981 All right? Comprende? 671 00:34:22,461 --> 00:34:24,660 Well and truly finito. 672 00:34:36,901 --> 00:34:38,381 [door opens] 673 00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:52,981 Get yourself an E or something. 674 00:34:59,621 --> 00:35:01,501 -Ta-ra. -[door closes] 675 00:35:07,221 --> 00:35:08,421 [Liam talking indistinctly] 676 00:35:08,860 --> 00:35:11,901 -State of you. -You're too kind. 677 00:35:13,981 --> 00:35:16,101 [groans] 678 00:35:19,261 --> 00:35:20,101 Hmm. 679 00:35:21,461 --> 00:35:23,661 Am I allowed to say you're worth ten of her? 680 00:35:23,860 --> 00:35:26,461 [woman talking on radio] 681 00:35:26,661 --> 00:35:28,981 All with the tops open, there's a surprise. 682 00:35:29,061 --> 00:35:31,860 [grunts] I don't know, what's got into Dad lately. 683 00:35:32,741 --> 00:35:34,300 Driving lessons for Karen, 684 00:35:34,381 --> 00:35:36,261 -parents evening. -[Liam] Yeah. 685 00:35:36,340 --> 00:35:38,981 More of a dad to her than he's ever been to any of us. 686 00:35:39,181 --> 00:35:40,701 What's got into your daddy lately? 687 00:35:40,780 --> 00:35:42,461 -[laughs] -[Liam] I don't know. 688 00:35:42,541 --> 00:35:44,581 [Fiona] Well, you should find out for me. 689 00:35:44,981 --> 00:35:47,101 -[Frank laughing] -[Liam] I don't know. 690 00:35:53,981 --> 00:35:56,141 -How's your love life, Ian? -What love life? 691 00:35:56,541 --> 00:35:58,981 What, no girlfriend on the scene keeping you up all night? 692 00:35:59,181 --> 00:36:00,141 In my dreams. 693 00:36:00,340 --> 00:36:05,061 [mouthing] 694 00:36:06,780 --> 00:36:07,741 [Yvonne] She knows. 695 00:36:11,661 --> 00:36:14,141 He's trying to tell you that I know. 696 00:36:17,820 --> 00:36:21,501 The bad news is, you've had your hands in my husband's boxers. 697 00:36:22,021 --> 00:36:23,381 But it could have been worse. 698 00:36:23,941 --> 00:36:25,221 You could have had them in the till. 699 00:36:26,780 --> 00:36:28,021 I'm not sacked? 700 00:36:28,661 --> 00:36:29,621 Take over here. 701 00:36:30,501 --> 00:36:32,901 Gaylord will fill you in on the terms and conditions. 702 00:36:38,860 --> 00:36:40,501 -Oh, and, Ian? -Yeah? 703 00:36:40,780 --> 00:36:42,501 Lose the black hole of Calcutta. 704 00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:45,621 Ian, come here. 705 00:36:47,661 --> 00:36:51,380 Don't ever touch him again. 706 00:36:52,061 --> 00:36:53,901 [indistinct chatter outside] 707 00:37:09,300 --> 00:37:11,141 [dog barking] 708 00:37:19,421 --> 00:37:20,380 My dad, isn't it? 709 00:37:22,541 --> 00:37:23,621 [Karen sobbing] 710 00:37:48,820 --> 00:37:49,661 Hey! 711 00:37:52,741 --> 00:37:54,461 For Christ's sake. [gasps] 712 00:37:56,501 --> 00:37:57,461 You fucked her. 713 00:37:58,021 --> 00:38:00,061 [Frank groaning] 714 00:38:02,261 --> 00:38:03,461 Sounds like Frank. 715 00:38:05,181 --> 00:38:06,021 It's Lip. 716 00:38:06,941 --> 00:38:07,780 Oh, my God. 717 00:38:07,860 --> 00:38:09,221 -[groans] -[groans] 718 00:38:09,300 --> 00:38:10,380 -You fucked her! -[groans] 719 00:38:13,541 --> 00:38:16,141 [Frank groaning] Help! 720 00:38:16,340 --> 00:38:17,541 Dial 999, Karen. 721 00:38:18,820 --> 00:38:20,701 -I'm coming, Frank. -Sheil! [groans] 722 00:38:21,421 --> 00:38:22,461 -Help! -[Lip grunts] 723 00:38:26,101 --> 00:38:26,941 [sobs] 724 00:38:27,021 --> 00:38:28,380 I'm coming, Frank. 725 00:38:33,181 --> 00:38:34,141 [screams] 726 00:38:35,261 --> 00:38:36,780 Oi, come here. 727 00:38:36,860 --> 00:38:38,141 -Come here. Come on. -[Frank groaning] 728 00:38:38,701 --> 00:38:40,421 -Come on. -[Frank groans] 729 00:38:41,221 --> 00:38:42,461 -Get off me! Let me kill him. -Come here. 730 00:38:42,541 --> 00:38:43,780 -[Frank groans] -[Lip] He fucked her. 731 00:38:44,061 --> 00:38:46,701 Get off me, I'm going to kill him! Get off me! 732 00:38:46,941 --> 00:38:49,221 He fucked her and I want to fuck him. [pants] 733 00:38:50,941 --> 00:38:52,141 Come here. Stop it. 734 00:38:52,221 --> 00:38:53,621 -[pants] -[Lip] Get off me! 735 00:38:53,701 --> 00:38:54,860 You animal! 736 00:38:55,501 --> 00:38:56,340 Ow! 737 00:38:56,901 --> 00:38:58,340 Look, you are-- 738 00:38:58,541 --> 00:39:00,461 He fucked her! [sobs] 739 00:39:01,300 --> 00:39:03,421 -Lip, get yourself up, mate. Come on. -[Lip] Get off me. 740 00:39:03,501 --> 00:39:05,141 -Lip, come on, get yourself up. -[Lip] Just get off. 741 00:39:05,221 --> 00:39:06,661 -Come here. Calm down. -Fuck's sake. Get off. 742 00:39:06,741 --> 00:39:08,300 -Calm down, calm down, mate! -Get off me! 743 00:39:08,380 --> 00:39:09,340 All right? 744 00:39:10,380 --> 00:39:12,941 [siren blaring in distance] 745 00:39:13,021 --> 00:39:14,780 [whimpers] 746 00:39:15,501 --> 00:39:16,340 [Sheila] Baby. 747 00:39:17,901 --> 00:39:19,581 -[whimpers] -Why, Frank? 748 00:39:19,661 --> 00:39:21,181 Why would he do this to you? 749 00:39:21,901 --> 00:39:24,661 Because he's a bloody psycho. 750 00:39:25,941 --> 00:39:29,621 I told him straight, nice and reasonable... 751 00:39:30,780 --> 00:39:34,141 you'll get your twenty quid when my giro comes. 752 00:39:35,380 --> 00:39:36,380 Next thing I know, 753 00:39:36,941 --> 00:39:38,780 -he's beating me to death. -[Sheila] What? 754 00:39:39,780 --> 00:39:40,941 All this over money? 755 00:39:41,221 --> 00:39:44,421 Yeah, bloody pin money. [whimpers] 756 00:39:45,181 --> 00:39:47,901 I wish you'd have asked me for it, I'd give you anything. 757 00:39:47,981 --> 00:39:50,101 No, I don't want to take advantage. 758 00:39:51,380 --> 00:39:53,461 Oh, you're too soft, Frank. 759 00:39:53,541 --> 00:39:54,661 -[Frank chuckles] -[Sheila] Aw. 760 00:39:56,300 --> 00:39:57,820 -Frank. -[whimpers] 761 00:39:58,581 --> 00:39:59,701 Oh, baby. 762 00:40:02,221 --> 00:40:03,061 [door slams] 763 00:40:17,780 --> 00:40:18,741 When did you find out? 764 00:40:21,221 --> 00:40:22,061 A few days ago. 765 00:40:24,741 --> 00:40:25,701 Exactly. 766 00:40:28,461 --> 00:40:29,300 Two. 767 00:40:31,501 --> 00:40:32,981 I'm sorry, Lip. 768 00:40:39,541 --> 00:40:40,780 Suppose I could do a ciggie. 769 00:41:01,860 --> 00:41:02,741 Some toast. 770 00:41:05,021 --> 00:41:07,300 -Do you want me-- -Peanut butter, two slices. 771 00:41:07,380 --> 00:41:08,860 Cut up into little triangles or something? 772 00:41:08,941 --> 00:41:10,221 -Surprise me. -All right. 773 00:41:16,141 --> 00:41:17,820 -Think I'll have it in my room. -Yeah. 774 00:41:32,021 --> 00:41:34,300 [exhales deeply] 775 00:41:36,261 --> 00:41:38,141 [clinks] 776 00:41:42,380 --> 00:41:44,261 -[clinks] -[Frank] Lip? 777 00:41:45,300 --> 00:41:46,141 [sighs] 778 00:41:48,300 --> 00:41:49,701 Open the window, son. 779 00:42:00,541 --> 00:42:05,461 I'm sorry, okay? I'm a twat. I-- No, I am. A prize prick. 780 00:42:06,380 --> 00:42:09,581 Yeah, if your grandad were here, he'd be saying the same. [chuckles] 781 00:42:12,181 --> 00:42:16,141 It's totally down to me, Lip. I know. 782 00:42:16,221 --> 00:42:18,300 You know, we all do-- Well, not totally, is it? 783 00:42:18,380 --> 00:42:19,461 I mean, she's completely... 784 00:42:20,701 --> 00:42:24,340 It's-- It's like the moon orbiting round the earth, 785 00:42:24,741 --> 00:42:27,380 These things sometimes fly up in your face, don't they? 786 00:42:27,461 --> 00:42:30,901 And, you-- You know, we can't hold that against her, 787 00:42:30,981 --> 00:42:34,101 now, son, can we? I mean, she's young, she's footloose, 788 00:42:34,181 --> 00:42:36,701 I mean, we're both victims in this, you know, you and me. 789 00:42:37,340 --> 00:42:39,941 Both bloody victims, like... 790 00:42:43,021 --> 00:42:45,621 How can I ever say I'm sorry? 791 00:42:47,701 --> 00:42:48,780 Fuck's sake! 792 00:42:52,981 --> 00:42:55,461 Oh, okay, all right. Fair enough. Is it-- 793 00:42:55,541 --> 00:42:56,380 All right, okay. 794 00:43:16,501 --> 00:43:18,340 [Lip] She moved into her grandma's that night. 795 00:43:18,421 --> 00:43:21,221 I've seen her twice at school, she didn't see me. 796 00:43:21,901 --> 00:43:24,701 Honouring thy father takes some doing. 797 00:43:25,860 --> 00:43:28,380 They say give to receive which is virtually impossible 798 00:43:28,461 --> 00:43:31,141 with somebody who believes in "share and share alike." 799 00:43:31,981 --> 00:43:33,021 [man] How do, Frank? 800 00:43:33,581 --> 00:43:36,141 -[Frank] Yeah, not bad, yeah, okay. Night. -[man] Bye. 801 00:43:42,340 --> 00:43:44,581 [laughs] 802 00:43:58,780 --> 00:44:00,101 [growls] -[Fiona] Hey, hey, hey. 803 00:44:00,181 --> 00:44:01,461 Who are you? Who said you could come in? 804 00:44:01,541 --> 00:44:03,501 Two grand's worth of debt and still mounting up. 805 00:44:03,581 --> 00:44:06,501 [bailiff 1] He pays up or he does without. We're talking legs. 806 00:44:06,581 --> 00:44:07,421 [bailiff 2] Where is he? 807 00:44:07,501 --> 00:44:09,261 [bailiff 1] Do you know what your new name is, Frank? 808 00:44:09,340 --> 00:44:10,501 Dead man walking. 809 00:44:10,581 --> 00:44:11,941 I reckon he's broke the rules. 810 00:44:12,021 --> 00:44:13,541 He's used his full name somewhere. 811 00:44:13,621 --> 00:44:17,661 Request from the Child Support Agency for a domestic circumstances appraisal. 812 00:44:17,741 --> 00:44:19,860 [Fiona] What's any this got to do with the Child Support Agency? 813 00:44:19,941 --> 00:44:22,061 Presumably because your mum asked for a summary. 814 00:44:22,141 --> 00:44:23,221 Do you know where she is? 815 00:44:24,021 --> 00:44:25,661 [Fiona] You know where mum is, don't you? 816 00:44:25,741 --> 00:44:26,581 -No. -Liar. 817 00:44:26,661 --> 00:44:28,501 [Frank] You think I'm going around chasing skirt? 818 00:44:28,581 --> 00:44:31,061 A bloke couldn't love anybody more than I love you. 819 00:44:33,581 --> 00:44:34,461 Mum. 820 00:44:34,541 --> 00:44:36,820 [music playing] 821 00:45:12,101 --> 00:45:13,741 Past the fruit and veg... 822 00:45:14,501 --> 00:45:15,981 -It's too near the doors. -[machine beeping] 823 00:45:16,061 --> 00:45:17,860 -[Megan] You're doing great, Sheila. -[Sheila sobbing] 824 00:45:17,941 --> 00:45:19,701 -Hang on. -[electronic buzz] 825 00:45:21,780 --> 00:45:24,340 [Megan] They're charging 3.80 for panty liners. 826 00:45:24,421 --> 00:45:25,981 How's that worth coming out for?